What do we do about death?

I was just in the shower and I realized that I'm going to die. This voice will no longer exist. It's coming closer everyday, in every moment and every breath I am aging and will no longer be here. in this space. in this room. I won't have this voice. or these eyes. or this body. I will be nothing and everything. alone and together. It scared the shit out of me. I only get to do this once! That's it. I have just these moments and I'm spending them talking to you. and you are spending them with me. what are we going to do about death? how do we avoid it? Where will we go? What will we do? why why why! I am getting closer to not breathing every moment I do. I am a walking paradox. an instant of both having and having-not. Both life and death. I am both. I must be both at once.

I am so scared about the fact that this will be over soon. That this will no longer be important. That I will no longer be important. This won't get to everyone. or even anyone. This message won't get to anyone. I am alone and I need to change. I need to have people to recognize that life is something more than we say it is! it's about others and helping. It's about making sure everyone can live forever. It's about making sure that everyone can just plain live. I need to be the best to everyone at once. honestly. important and good to people. love and be loved. to spread a message. to be free from death. some how. to be free.

Nightstand

(I sang this into a recorder in the car, word for word, writing it in real time).

Oh oh oh!
Ahh ah

You wings are broken
but your feet are warm
your back is cold
tonight is young

i said girl when you make that money
stay on your back
Lying on your back
remember, the hands on your hips are
on the attack

and my buttered lips
there kissing you
and my drunken breathe
mixes your perfume

and my yellow teeth
they don't match your eyes
and my vicious moans
they don't match your cries

girl your an actor
and you play the part
your body is warm
but not ice like your heart

your hair is red
and your blood is blue
and I wanna cry
for the things I've done to you

and I stay up late
thinking about you
and your gonna hate
the things that we do

I said your gonna hate
the things that we do

now the tears in your eyes girl
they seem like tears of joy
and you know that this
makes me feel like a little boy

in his mother's arms
she holds him tight
putting out his nightmares
extinguishing his fright

you know it's wrong
with that cash on the table
but when your knees are locked behind my back
neither of us are able

to stop what we are doing

you know times are hard
even though my mind is weak
with both play the part

even though my heart is weak
with both play the part

Jackhammer

waking with my hair in my mouth
God has placed a fake moustache on my lip
I hear the sound of the lord
ringing in to wake me

I hear the sound of his hand
coming in to break me
and my dreams

"jack up that sidewalk boy
use this machine like a toy
penetrate the earth
so it can give birth."

It's around eleven by the time
i roll over to see the clock
and the sound the hammer
is gone. like a sheep in a flock.

Have I gone mad or was that sound really there?
The sound represented a cross I can't bear.
My dreams are gone and I'm in the mad world
no longer a little boy, the stone was hurled

But this sound is long gone
in that twilight zone
my pillow and my head
they smell like home

Until hours later, while making tea
I hear the sound near the weeds by the tree
It's the garden trimmer
or the weed wacker

coming to kill not to break free
you see the jackhammer destroys as it rebuilds
and this trimmer is not a hammer
but a killer. a silly dream killer.